THE KIDS MAX and TAYLOR WERE.
Max’s parents died before he was ten, and he lived with his aunt and her three daughters. He describes his childhood as feeling like a burden to his aunt and being tolerated, not loved.
Taylor is a twin and has six siblings. Her father was absent, but her mother was loving and supportive. However, she was a social activist. So Taylor had to share her with the community. She excelled in school but spent a lot of time alone and unprotected.
WHAT THEY DIDN’T LEARN. WHEN THEY DIDN’T LEARN IT.
Guess what? When you grow up feeling unloved, bullied, or abused, you can’t just “brush your shoulders off” and be rid of the impact those experiences cause. They become a part of you and guide how you feel about yourself, your likes, dislikes, fears, and worries.
These problems don’t stay behind in your childhood. They hitch a ride with you into adulthood and influence your adult life, too, including whether you’re prone to pop-off or remain calm in relationships.
Max never learned to ask for what he needed in childhood. He went without and suffered in silence, so he wouldn’t be a burden. He’s repeating that pattern with Taylor. Except, now he suffers out loud, storming around his house, fuming, and expressing his thoughts about everything except what he needs.
Because Taylor is accustomed to being alone and felt unprotected in her childhood. Max’s storms give her the jitters. So she retreats to the bathroom or the car or leaves with her kids to escape his turbulent moods.
FALLING IN LOVE
Max and Taylor met on a popular dating app. They had an instant connection and met up the day they matched.
They were like greens and hot sauce; you’d never have one without the other.
Their time together was full of laughs and meaningful moments.
They had everything in common, even their love for dad jokes.
FROM LOVERS TO STRANGERS
Max and Taylor have been married for six years. They have three children, one each from their previous relationships and one together; they are 4, 12, and 16 years old.
When asked why they started therapy, they said they can’t see eye-to-eye on things, and it’s causing big arguments about small things, like which toilet paper to buy.
They’re starting to feel like roommates instead of loving partners.
Sometimes, they deliberately avoid each other to prevent arguments.
YOU’RE NOT THE PROBLEM. THE RELATIONSHIP IS THE PROBLEM.
It’s common to see your partner as the problem when your relationship is off-track.
The truth is that neither of you is the problem; the relationship is the problem.
It’s easy to get stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns and habits. But it’s not easy to correct them.
When you don’t have the tools to make relationship changes, you end up feeling resentful and hopeless.
FIND YOUR HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER
Raise your hand if you were taught how to have a successful relationship.
If your hand is down, you’re in the right place.
In couples therapy, you’ll learn to fight fair and listen to understand, compromise, and leverage each other’s strengths instead of competing to be better or right.
You’ll learn to work as a team, cherish your time together, and get back to a relationship that’s loving and fulfilling instead of detached and depleting.
HOW WE’LL HELP
We use science-proven techniques like the Gottman Method and Imago Therapy to help you rekindle your love and learn ways to divorce-proof your relationship.
We’ll arm you with the antidotes to the Four Horsemen, behaviors that predict divorce or a break-up to help you build a relationship that lasts.
Learn to build a sound relationship house with tools like the Imago Dialogue. Restructure your disappointments by changing complaints into requests that your partner can honor.
YOU’RE WORTH THE EFFORT
Having a healthy, supportive relationship is a lot of work.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a blast doing it.
Develop a relationship that’s worthy of hard work and elbow grease. One that’s so enriching and fulfilling you couldn’t imagine a happy life without it.
*Names and stories are composite narratives and do not reflect actual clients.
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