Everyone you love doesn’t grow with you — sometimes you have to shed.
This is a tough one y’all.
What kind of person are you if you Shed a loved one you’ve outgrown because their presence is holding you back, disrupting your peace, progress, and growth?
If you listen to the person who needs to be Shed, they’ll say you’re the kind of person who ‘forgot where you came from’ and ‘is not keeping it real.’
Sidebar – that phrase annoys me so much. You do not need to keep it real, you need to keep it pushin’ towards your goals.
Other loved ones will also have an issue with you Shedding.
They’ll defend the person and say things like, ‘You think you’re too good,’ or ‘You have to help them, don’t be mean,’ because they don’t understand what’s necessary for growth.
The challenge is if you are working hard, going to therapy, taking self-help classes, and creating healthy habits, and a loved one’s bad energy and habits are spilling onto you, it will stifle your growth and limit your potential. You’ll fall back into old habits right along with them.
Hmmmm — Decisions, Decisions.
If I were a betting woman, I’d bet on Shedding. Just prepare yourself (e.g. what words you will say) for the negative responses you will get.
If a Full-Shed is too much, completely removing the person from your life all at once. Do a Phased-Shed instead. A Phased-Shed means that you’ll start talking and hanging out less often until it’s once or twice a year.
Or do a Mini-Shed; you check in once or twice a month for a limited amount of time. See how that feels, and keep it pushing’ from there.
So back to my original question:
What kind of person are you if you Shed? You’re the kind of person who understands:
- That everyone who started with you can’t go with you. And that’s OK.
- You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. You need to choose carefully and Shed whenever you need to.
- Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they are supposed to be in your life. And just because you aren’t hanging out with them and talking to them doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
Yeshiva Davis – LMFT, MBA
President & Founder K&S Therapeutic Service, Inc.